@Shariv67
@Merman_Melville I’m a female historian who specializes in war atrocities, check out my blog “The War Atrocity Babe”
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@Merman_Melville 
@VickieComedy Felt sad when I heard Taylor Swift is now with Tom Hiddleston.
Apparently, my subconscious thought I had a chance with Tom Hiddleston.
@LittlemoonLevin Everyone is always doing laundry
*changes name to laundry
@Ygrene [Being murdered]
(with every stab, i move my body so that the murderer strikes acupuncture points which, to his dismay, makes me feel great)
@LuckoftheDraw86 Don’t over-share.
Don’t over-share.
Don’t over-share.
Don’t over-share.
Don’t over-share.HI I’M A NERVOUS POOPER.
… Nailed it!
@UncleDuke1969 can’t bark with your mouth full
@Cain_Unable 1 Ring to rule them all, 1 Ring to find them, 1 Ring to bring them all & in the darkness bind them. 3 rings to let Mum know you’re home safe
@PaperWash I’v been catfishing my best friend Dave for the last 3 weeks. He’s gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I’m showing these emails to his wife.
@TheRealNickKay [MURDER TRIAL]
JUDGE: So in 27 years of marriage, you never knew your wife was allergic to salt?
MR.SLUG:[Into mic] That’s correct.
@Bizarro_Mark My parents haven’t called with a computer problem in 48 hours. I’m sending my brother over there to check on them.