@IGotsSmarts
@MrSpoonicorn *1st time at gym*
*picks up weight*
how do i equip this
*steps on treadmill*
can i get exp on here
*taps huge guy*
do you sell mana potions
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@MrSpoonicorn 
@Gupton68 if working for a big corporation has taught me anything, it’s that these multimillionaire business owners won’t get rich if the little people like me sit around on my phone tweeting all day
@squirrel74wkgn I know this is only our second date, but can I use your bathroom real quick?
Her: Of course…
*walks out 26 minutes later*
Thanks.
@MichaelTrying If I were Spock, I would spend 24 hours a day saying things like “get out of my Vulcan face” and “are you Vulcan kidding me?”
@Alex_but_online Me:[holding toy] And WHY don’t we make them fight??
Kid:[sighing] Because the last stegosaurus died 83 million years before T-Rex evolved
@treydayway You have a better chance of being struck by lightning than going to McDonald’s when the ice cream or shake machine is working
@whatsJo When driving: *shakes fist at pedestrians*
When walking: *shakes fist at motorists*
When running: *shakes fist at the murderer chasing me*
@zuza_real bumping into a hot professor in the hallway and dropping my folder full of printed out pictures of the Green M&M
@UnFitz Five Secrets of Successful People:
1. Don’t
2. Tell
3. Anyone
4. Your
5. Secrets
@GrantTanaka [mosh pit]
me: HELLOOO TRYING TO DRINK A LATTE HERE