@jus4golf When my wife and I married we both agreed we would never go to sleep angry.
Neither of us has slept in 16 years.
@smiles_and_nods Taught my dog to shake hands and he just brokered a suspicious deal with our local union rep.
You Might Also Like
@jus4golf 
@bestestname 20 minutes: I have plenty of time
15 minutes: OH SHIT
@FetishBitch My new party trick.. I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together….I shit you knot…
@ericsshadow When my 9 year old gets off the phone with his girlfriend, I’m going to ask him for some dating advice.
@POTerritory A Freudian sitcom would be How I Meant Your Mother
@causticbob Jay-Z is actually the 26th generation of the Jay family, which dates back to the middle-ages, when Jay-A invented rap.
@CuddleYourCat Hitchhikers won’t kill you if you kill them first.
@ninatreemonkey Met my boyfriend on eharmony, also eharmony is the nickname I gave this vending machine, meet my sandwich
@KonaSlater ps5 is how I abbreviate pspspspsps
@Jinxy00 Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like BBs, rub one ball & everything moves.