@Talk_To_The_Hat

Technically, iPhone chargers are apple juice.

You Might Also Like

@bornmiserable

[me, taking a drug test at work] the company didn’t specify which drugs we had to take to prepare for this, so I took them all

@Shariv67

I’m the most bashful person in the world, until you get me on the dance floor. Then I become the most bashful newborn giraffe in the world.

@david8hughes

[1st day as lifeguard]
Guy: there’s someone drowning in the water
Me [not looking up from phone]: well it’d be hard to drown in the sand

@55Carburetor

If I were rich, I’d have big soft monogrammed towels for when I bathe at the gas station.

@ZachWeiner

“How do you speak with an American accent?”

“Well, imagine vowels killed your parents, and you’re out for revenge.”

@EJGomez

oh u love jesus “with all of ur heart”? name 3 of his albums