Texas chain saw massacre is full of plot holes… what happens to the victims when they die? is there an afterlife?
![]()
You Might Also Like
Just found out my parents have had a life insurance policy on me since I was 6mo old with them as the beneficiaries. I’m 44 now. I see they’re playing the long game…
A pregnant lady, except it’s me smuggling king sized candy into the movies for 6 kids and saving $278.
[at ER]
ME: my stomach hurts.
DOC: have you been able to eat anything today?
ME: yeah, like 75 pieces of pizza.
If you think ghost peppers are hot, you should’ve ate them when they were alive.
WIFE: this cheese goes hard
ME: hell yeah it does
WIFE: no i mean you have to put it back in the packet
I’m at a legal conference called “Divorce on the Beach.”
My 9 yr old asked where my husband and I were going and I said, “Divorce on the Beach,” and he looked me straight in the eye and said, “Awww that’s too bad.”
Me after TurboTax asks me to confirm I’ve reviewed all of the documents (I don’t understand anything)
![]()
You have $5 to build your city. Do you build it on:
– swampland $1000
– arable prairie $22000
– beachfront $33500
– rock $2
– roll $3
– rolling meadows $9500
I’ve banged my pinky toe so many times in the past week it has an appointment at the clinic tomorrow for a STD test.
I hate that feeling when your iPod earbud accidentally gets ripped out of your ear and you want to murder someone with a hammer.
I’m trying to shower you with affection. It doesn’t matter how I got into your bathroom.
Snuck a peak at my therapist’s notepad after telling her about my childhood, and it was just dollar signs.
My family has that exceptional ability to make a root canal seem pleasant.
My girlfriend asked me to act like an animal in bed. So I peed on the pillow.
your honor my client feels very bad he got caught
Relax, everything will be fine eventually, for like 7 people
People should come with disclaimers like:
May cause drowsiness or
Will end up sleeping w/your bf or
May induce homicidal ideations
My wife went on a lot of roller coasters when she was pregnant with our daughter Katelyn, and you can tell 🙁
Sorry we’re late, my kid thought he couldn’t go to school with hiccups
Maybe I carry an axe. You don’t know. I could love you to pieces…
I hate when people say “I’d give up my first born child for that.”
If you really want to entice me, offer to raise one of mine.
[meeting the parents]
Do you have one in blonde?
Why isn’t there ghost dinosaurs? They didn’t all finish their business. They didn’t know the comet was coming.
*gets up off bed*
*puts pants back on*
Oh…so you…you wanted ACTUAL tacos then?
Dogs have dandruff and cats have dandmeow. Hi, I’m single.
Watching my coworkers split a cupcake three ways was more upsetting than the first time I missed my period.
*Magneto flapping his wrist frantically, trying to shake loose a fork stuck to his hand*
“You don’t like my cooking? You’ll be hearing from my lawyer!” – Sue Chef
My editor has informed me that I do not know how hyphens work.
I’m not-sure how I feel about-this.
I’m too rational for astrology. Why would I ask a goat in the sky to tell my fortune when I can consult the entrails of an actual goat right here on Earth?