@WineMummy When you’re on a date that’s not going well, just start talking about genital psoriasis.
You’re welcome.
@Mardigroan That second remote is only useful for that one button on it which you push to switch from the first remote to the third remote.
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@WineMummy 
@TheAndrewNadeau HIM: Do you have raisins?
ME: I have grapes and patience.
@TheTweetOfGod 152,000 people will die today but not the one you want.
@OhNoSheTwitnt How does Disney decide who needs pants and who doesn’t?
@ACartoonCat “Sure, I get it!”
– Me, not getting it
@pauleggleston I just cross-bred a crocodile and a homing pigeon. I expect that’ll come back to bite me.
@SomeChrisTweets Son, I’m not a mad scientist, just a disappointed scientist.
@GrantTanaka If some guy wearing a bulletproof vest mocks you, shoot him in the arms so he can’t take it off, haha who’s laughing now fancy vest guy
@weinerdog4life Side Effects May Include: upset stomach, diarrhea, a tail, some hooves, ok so you might turn into a horse
@ajarfulloffears looking for new reply guys.. mine are sleeping on the job