That touchdown dance is exactly the same as mine when I wake up in a guy’s apartment and his furnished apartment has a nice view.

You Might Also Like


When I’m really bored at work I like to write “I’m watching you” on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people.


Going to a Kenny G concert must feel like being on hold for two hours.


I always say “goodbye” to the Wal-Mart greeter, just to close that loop.


Apparently on Facebook you can “like” that someone “liked” something. I just liked the movie “Inception”, and now we wait.


Sentences sound better with “motherfucker.”

Before: “You sir, are a vile, despicable person. I am angry.”

After: “Dis motherfucker…”


The only French I know are words for food items and the chorus of Lady Marmelade. Turns out that’s all you really need.


Megan, but with an H? Whatever you say, girls named Hmegan.


Classified ad:

Hunter seeks gatherer for nasty, brutish and short relationship. No weirdos.