Some people are looking for the meaning of life. I’m still looking for the meaning of I licky boom boom down.
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Neil Patrick Harris couldn’t host a tapeworm without a musical number. #Emmys
“You were arrested for armed robbery?”
I had no choice. It’s silly to try and rob a bank without your arms.
“We’ll be in touch.”
I feel a bit overdressed here at WalMart because my pajamas match.
1) Put index and thumb together.
2) Place them where nose meets forehead.
3) Close eyes.
5) Check to see if person still talking.
Before you cannibalize your roommate due to cabin fever, remember that you cannot afford the rent alone. #blizzard2016
[consoling grieving widow]
so I guess you’ll be looking for a new owner for his pokémon collection?
I’m going to make a secret pornography organization called The Illuminaughty.
This guy on GMA is thanking God b/c he survived 2 plane crashes. I’m pretty sure “God” is trying to kill him.
That moment at the flea market, when you realize you’re looking at a vampire killing kit.