The 4 year old thinks a cat’s tail is it’s underwear because it covers the butthole. I can’t really argue with that logic.
You Might Also Like
Deleted all the hot people I want to do sex with. So if you’re seeing this… you’re ugly… nobody wants you. I’m sorry you had to find out this way.
Mr & Mrs Smith is my favorite movie about how trying to kill your spouse & demolishing your house can bring the magic back to your marriage
*decides towels smell like mildew
*buys special laundry agent to remove odors
*washes load of towels
*forgets load in washer until morning
*repeat
People to panhandlers: Get a job, you lazy bum
People to ducks: Who has free bread for you? Is it me? Yes, it is
If money can’t buy you happiness then you’re in the wrong mall.
Eh wah eh wah eh wah eh wah joget joget joget joget joget gelek gelek gelek gelek gelek gelek lembek lembek lembek embek lembek lembek
Me: Coke please
Server: Sorry we don’t have Coke. Is vodka ok?
Me: Why yes, yes it is
[Dinosaur Rap Battle]
We’re gonna win this for sure!
“Wait, what kind of dinosaurs are we again?”
WE’RE RAPTORS! Jesus Christ Owen
If a cop pulls you over & asks if you know why. Answer “are you giving me a ticket or a quiz” for a free ride in their car.
7 thoughts u have when buzfeed steals ur content
-WTF
-OMG
-Huh
-FAIL
-LOL
-NOPE
-why is a multimilion dollar website riping off my twiter
Told a girl she’s more attractive when she’s not wearing glasses and she said I’m also more attractive when she’s not wearing glasses.
If Zombies ever switch to eating souls, I’ll have the last laugh on everyone whoever made fun of me for being a Ginger
me: hey big boy
friend: please don’t talk to the Lincoln memorial like that
[while house is on fire]
Firefighter: wake up ma’am, your house is on fire.
Me: can’t you see I’m sleeping?
F: but the house is on fire.
Me: 9 out of 10 people wish to die while sleeping, and we’re most likely to die at 11 am *looks at clock* You just ruined a perfect death.
the vaccine could be radioactive dumpster water & it would still be healthier than most of what I put into my body during quarantine
Props to anyone who tries to be fashionable in ireland i wore a red beret once in waterford and someone called me super mario
Eating cheese right off the block then realizing you’ve eaten too much so you eat a bunch of chips makes it like nachos, right?
Hey, fellas
🤣🤣🤣
[freezing huddled around fire]
Dont worry I brought blankets to keep us warm *throws blankets on fire* that should last a good half hour
Sometimes I just start counting and hope the person talking to me will go hide.
Me eating dark chocolate: Mmm healthy choice! This is basically a vegetable.
*screaming at the smoke alarm*
DOES THIS SEEM HELPFUL TO YOU???
The new Disney Pixar movie sounds wild
Say one positive thing about your opponent
Well…he does convert oxygen into carbon dioxide which helps trees grow.
Alcohol is like Lysol for feelings, it won’t kill all of them.
Wait, so when couples are in custody battles it’s to KEEP the kids? #WTF
My signature move is eating a whole bag of something before realizing I don’t like it.
Im not lazy, I keep my windows dirty because I care for bird safety.
@Lottie_Poppie I’m at my ideal weight. If I was a baby blue whale
Glad I had the coat closet redone so that everyone can continue leaving jackets and bags everywhere except the coat closet