@LostFelicia
@yoyoha ariana grande looks like she was designed in a lab by japanese perverts
You Might Also Like
@yoyoha 
@XplodingUnicorn 4-year-old: *puts on ballerina dress*
*puts on ballerina shoes*
*puts on ballerina tiara*
Me: Who are you supposed to be?
4: A ninja.
@ilovecuredmeats So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.
@IamEveryDayPpl Prius and Smart Car owners in my neighborhood got together and banned leaf blowers for safety reasons…
@RocketRankoon Shout out to Pringles for admitting they’re addictive, unlike cigarettes and heroin the two biggest liars of the snack industry.
@PHDaniel_Street Tomorrow…trade cell phones with your significant other for the day…see how many of you are single by the end of the day…
@iamburtjarvis british waiter: what topping would ye fancy on yer pizza?
british guy: tea
british waiter: jolly good choice
[both laugh britishingly]
@Amusitr0n Minister: if anyone objects to this unio-
Me: *raptor call*
Groom: *raptor call*
Guests: *chorus of raptor calls*
*Bride gets devoured*
@EndhooS “What would be your main strength?”
Well, I can communicate with animals…
“Wow, impressive. Any weaknesses?”
They can’t understand me.
@Shariv67 Good news! That lump I found in my breast turned out to be a Skittle.