The best thing about owning a Smart Car is when it gets dirty, you can just put it in the dishwasher.

You Might Also Like


The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.


Slicing an avocado: “I’ll carefully carve two halves then cautiously remove the pit to avoid bruising the fruit.”
Slicing a pineapple: “I’LL SEE YOU IN HELL SPIKEYBOI!”


“Once we come down off this wall we’ll be on the lam. That means we’re fugitives, laying low, on the run…”

– condescending con descending


For anyone interested, you’ll find my complete Windows 8.1 review below:

Still sucks.


Air used to be free at the gas station, now it’s $1.50. Know why?


POLICE SKETCH ARTIST: is this the man who robbed u
*holds up picture of himself*
ME: yes
POLICE SKETCH ARTIST: give me ur wallet
ME: dang it


“I’m thinking about having a baby.”

“You should get a dog.”

“As a sort of test?”

“No. You should just get a dog.”


WITCH (using her broom for just sweeping): did we give up our dreams?
WIZARD (using his pointy hat as a piping bag for cupcake icing): yes


I keep my enemies closer because you can only throw a rock so far.


All we do is support you, all you ever do is complain about us!

-if bras could talk