@AClkwrkStarfish

The boy is putting whipped cream on the cat. I think he may have overheard a conversation he didn’t understand quite so well.

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@XplodingUnicorn

4-year-old: Why do my hands taste funny?

Me: I don’t know. Go wash them.

4: Don’t you want to taste them first?

@KeithAshers

Bee hives are like nature’s free piñatas. Except when the candy comes out it chases you and causes anaphylactic shock.

@vladchoc

Are you tired of greasy pots and pans? Stubborn kitchen stains? Messy sponges and sprays? Me too. I wish the sun would devour the earth.

@reallifemommy3

Me as a kid: Willy Wonka is SO cool!

Me as a mom: WHOA! Ease up on the sugar there, Dude!

@WilliamAder

Don’t ask me if I have a safety pin if you’re going to look at me all weird when I pull one out of my pocket and hand it to you.

@champagngetaway

Waitress: need anything else?
Me: yes, a cup of black coffee.
W: and how would u like your coffee?
M: uhhh..black and in a cup?

@PRESTONinCOLOR

Texts from mom:
Thanks to the supreme court, now it’s not just women who won’t marry you.

@nocturnology

Turns out indoor stone throwing is a mistake no matter what your house is made of.

@NYC_Blonde

Remember when we thought it would be fun to grow up and have jobs? LOL