When my wife tells me to wear sunscreen and I refuse to listen, it shows that I am my own man who is badly sunburned.
The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged my own groceries until I unpacked them all and said, “That’s how I want you to do it.”
You Might Also Like
[Standing still for a picture]
I guess you can say I’m *turns around for a second and the camera goes off* not good at posing for pictures.
[being buried alive] you missed a spot
Son of Sam I Am, a serial killer who targets people who won’t try new foods.
Whenever my girlfriend and I share a meal, I let her have the first bite because I’m a gentleman.
Also, to see if it’s been poisoned.
Me: Just a woman looking for a connection in this thermal nuclear apocalypse.
Me: Not you.
Boss: It’s a make or break situation!
Me: I’ll take a break then tnx
It’s the man who is supposed to be getting up to make the coffee in the morning. It’s even in the Bible under “Hebrews.”
I don’t have an alarm clock, unless you count my dog’s bladder.
I’ve found god.
It’s my turn to hide now.