@FilmsWeWant

The Conjuring 3:

Evil spirits torment another single mom & her kids.

The kids torment them back.

They’re better at it.

The spirits flee.

You Might Also Like

@JB4Realz

“Easy Come, Easy Go” – My clinic name if I ever become a urologist.

@AimeeHelene1

DON’T make this weird…

(I whisper in your ear, as I pet your eyebrows)

@girlontapas

People without kids who give other people’s kids messy or annoying toys..

Imagine that we gave you a monkey with a kazoo and fingerpaints..

@ArfMeasures

Amazon Review: A History of Criminals
★★★☆☆

Not a bad book. Prose and cons.

@andallya

*kicks the door in*

PEOPLE DESERVE TO BE TREATED WELL AND HAVE THEIR NEEDS MET AND ALSO I’M SORRY ABOUT THE DOOR

@KeetPotato

[friends chatting in back of my car]
“im good at impressions”
how good?
“watch”
in satnav voice: “turn left”
[i drive us clean off a bridge]

@Love_bug1016

I’m Asian, but not wears a kimono, eats dogs, owns a bonsai tree, knows how to use chopsticks, waxes on waxes off, good at the math, Asian.

@ElKnuckelhombre

Doctor: Describe your headache.

Me: She’s about 5’8″, blonde, and the mother of my children.