Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes because I would be shredded.
The coolest thing about the last Hobbit movie was knowing it was the last Hobbit movie.
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I have the ‘Luck of the Irish!’ Unfortunately it’s the ‘Great Potato Famine’ era ‘Luck of the Irish’.
LOL, Investigation Discovery, for assuming your victim was murdered at night just because she’s wearing pajamas.
Just found a tiny box full of kids teeth hidden under my sink…dear god I hope these are from my children
[In football huddle]
“What do you guys think happens when we die?”
My mother’s gravy is so lumpy it’s having a biopsy.
If I’m guilty of anything it’s that I care too much, that and murder
Juliet: Wherefore art thou Romeo?
Romeo (lost somewhere in Verona): Google Maps doth hateth me.
The letter n always has to be the centre of attention.
“Daddy, why is it dark at night?”
It gives the ghosts and zombies a time to run around and collect little kids. Goodnight, hunny.