@Metalligretch I should probably just learn a skill instead of waiting around for a malevolent spirit to take over my consciousness or whatever.
@thisislizz The D word that everyone’s been feeling at work is depression. I guessed the wrong word, apparently.
Aaaaand there’s HR calling me. Brb.
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@Metalligretch 
@bmarked21 From now on when people forcefully show me pictures of their baby, I’m simply going to reply, “Hmm… I’ve seen better.”
@TheBoydP Relationship status: Lucy holding the football for Charlie Brown to kick. She’s Lucy. I’m the football.
@vangobot leatherface: cmon, we’re gonna be late!
pinhead: *putting in one pin at a time* this doesn’t just HAPPEN you know
leatherface: you look fine
@SabyForrester “Did you get a haircut?”
“No, I dyed the tips of my hair invisible…”
@Parkerlawyer 7 brought me breakfast in bed, which in theory was super sweet, except in reality it was a poptart at 4am.
@ninjadinosaur1 No, I don’t want to hang out at your house. Your pot to snacks ratio is all off.
@whatsJo It’s World Breastfeeding Week and, honestly, babies need to eat more often than that.
@C_GraceT I RECEIVED AN EMAIL ALERTING ME TO “HOLIDAY TREATS” IN THE OFFICE KITCHEN AND THERE ARE FOUR ORANGES AND SOME DRIED FIGS I’M SUING
@TheAndrewNadeau Me: I won’t make it. Go on without me.
Her: It’s a toe cramp
M: But I’m covered in some kind of clear blood
H: That’s sweat
M: Tell my story