The emailer who threatened LA schools claims to be “a Muslim extremist.”

That’s like a student signing his report card “Timmy’s Dad.”

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If babies named Todd don’t call themselves “The Toddler” then what’s the point of having a douchebag baby name like Todd?


*leper colony removes ‘A Farewell to Arms’ from it’s ‘suggested reading list’


I get really freakin pissed off when complete strangers ask me a lot of questions. So no… the job interview didn’t go very well.


Sex with me is like going to the movies. It’s dark & very loud. Bring candy. You can never predict the ending. Some people leave early.


Friend: Dow dropped 45 points yesterday.
Me: I don’t follow basketball.


Doctor: How long have you been in pain?

Women: It started at 7:45am on Monday while I was at work

Men: Sometime between yesterday and 1997


the best way to avoid people outside stores with clipboards is by carrying your own


dad, why does my cake say “we dont want a talking cake”
“its a long story son”


Haven’t heard much from the flat earthers recently. Maybe their membership has plateaued.