@RexHuppke

The emailer who threatened LA schools claims to be “a Muslim extremist.”

That’s like a student signing his report card “Timmy’s Dad.”

You Might Also Like

@Juicedballs

If babies named Todd don’t call themselves “The Toddler” then what’s the point of having a douchebag baby name like Todd?

@KattsDogma

*leper colony removes ‘A Farewell to Arms’ from it’s ‘suggested reading list’

@OnlyFastEddie

I get really freakin pissed off when complete strangers ask me a lot of questions. So no… the job interview didn’t go very well.

@MoneypennyNaked

Sex with me is like going to the movies. It’s dark & very loud. Bring candy. You can never predict the ending. Some people leave early.

@shadygrenade

Friend: Dow dropped 45 points yesterday.
Me: I don’t follow basketball.

@ericsshadow

Doctor: How long have you been in pain?

Women: It started at 7:45am on Monday while I was at work

Men: Sometime between yesterday and 1997

@lgbk44

the best way to avoid people outside stores with clipboards is by carrying your own

@KeetPotato

dad, why does my cake say “we dont want a talking cake”
“its a long story son”

@sofarrsogud

Haven’t heard much from the flat earthers recently. Maybe their membership has plateaued.