@Contwixt

THE EXORCIST (1973) An incompetent priest botches a routine case.

You Might Also Like

@LMemeit

We used to look at my mom like she was crazy when she’d scream at us but now I know this is the only way children can hear you.

@dafloydsta

COP: Know why I pulled you over?

ME: Because I didn’t floss?

DENTIST: *rips off cop mask* I gotcha now, you son of a-

@iwearaonesie

Hell hath no fury like a toddler who sees you eating the chicken nuggets he said he didn’t want

@1_swarthy_dude

“Did anyone else’s house get burglarized and have horrible music put on all their devices……….oh U2?”

@HeyitsLori

Whenever anyone smiles at me, I change all my passwords.

@Tmoney68

[Corporate Olive Garden meeting, 1985]

Jesus: Let’s do unlimited breadsticks.

CEO: How can we supply that many?

Jesus: *winks at camera*

@whimsik_l

Once a neighbor kid asked if my dog had any nicknames & I lied & made a bunch up & now whenever I see her she asks how ‘Tree Trunk’ is doing

@JediGigi

[1st date]
Him: Wanna come back to my place for a bit?

Me: I thought you’d never ask

Him: Oh, really? *winks*

Me: Yes, I need somewhere less crowded to summon the Dark Lord

@TheBoydP

No one makes eye contact in a restroom after being “loud” in a stall.

Women because they’re embarrassed

Men because they’ll start laughing