@DaniePrecisa

The fastest way to break your favorite mug is to say “I love this mug”.

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@maryfairybobrry

My teen is in an outdoor class where they take the kids fishing and the catch of the day goes home with the lucky student. You can only imagine how proud I was to see my son victoriously running to the car at pickup holding up a large rubber boot

@LizHackett

Out in public, my husband and I only argue using whale sounds, so it’s actually a very calm and soothing experience for people around us.

@Cpin42

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and a dog that does karate

@Boleyngirly

When someone asks “You know what I think?”, I say “Yes I do”. End of discussion.

@itsmebeegee07

My son and daughter were just arguing, and as she was walking away he yelled at her “I HOPE BOTH SIDES OF YOUR PILLOW ARE WARM TONIGHT!”

@_sshaikhh

Kids born in the years 2000 and after will never know the struggle of learning their birthdays in French like we did

2000: deux mille
2001: deux mille un

1997: mille neuf cent quatre-vingt dix-sept

@Bandersnaaatch

A fun thing to do is sit on the couch with black buttons over your eyes while your kids watch Coraline, then wait for them to notice.

@DamienFahey

Please pray for my friends’ 4-year-old. They found out today 7 minutes of his life wasn’t photographed or videotaped and put on Facebook.

@Cheeseboy22

I just pulled two buckets that were stuck together apart by myself, so someone might want to let the guy that recruits Avengers know.

@EmmaUtters

“Take one pill on an empty stomach”

Me: What’s an empty stomach?