The first rule of Tall Girl Club is we must introduce ourselves by telling eachother where we were able to find pants

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One of my wishes in life is to run across the Pacific Ocean in an air tight giant hamster ball.


Tonite’s SuperMoon is Super versus October’s FullMoon only if you think 16.05inch pizzas are Super relative to 16inch pizzas


Amazing statistic. The new U2 album is the most deleted record in history.


My teen isn’t feeling well and WebMD says imminent death but Google classroom says imminent math test.


[to snake at news station]
you can’t do weather anymore
“ssswhy not?”
are we getting rain tomorrow?
do you see how that’s confusing?


Dear law students: my opposing counsel just asked her witness how old she was when she turned 18. You’ll be fine.


“You lie like a doge!” I tell my wife.
“So deceit!” I add.
“Very fraud!” I mention.
“Much fiction!” I point out.

“Wow,” she says.


Hot shingles in your area are looking to give your dermatomes a painfully good time!