@josh___grant Batman-
See, kids?
Even one extremely wealthy white male can make a difference.
@FetishBitch The Five Sizes of Penises:
1. Small
2. Medium,
3. Large,
4. Oh My God!…and
5. Is that available in white??
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@josh___grant 
@Cheeseboy22 A terrible baby shower game idea is called, “Have a man come in and guess which woman at the shower is pregnant.”
@dafloydsta BOSS: We need to improve morale
ME: Okay
BOSS: How about an office party?
ME: [crosses out “replace coworkers with puppies”] I guess
@ArfMeasures ME: The kids have ruined their shoes
WIFE: Again? [sighs] Just throw them out[Later]
ME: Stop crying kids, your mum says you have to leave
@5hael NICE TO MEAT YOU, I scream as I throw slices of salami at strangers
@JasonIsbell People always say “unceremoniously fired” like it ever happens any other way. I’d like to see a big ceremony for firing somebody. Get the gang together. Order a cake. Wear some special robes.
@JasonLastname I bet kids who live in volcanoes pretend the floor is carpet
@thatdutchperson I just ordered a set of dumbbells, so that’ll be a fun new thing to trip over while I search for the remote.
@wendchymes Before company arrives we like to clean our house so there’s no evidence that we live like circus monkeys the other 364 days of the year!
@TheBoydP All I’m saying is no one ever country westerns you like a hurricane.