@LoveNLunchmeat

The good news is I’m pretty much who I say I am.

The bad news is I’m pretty much who I say I am.

You Might Also Like

@faizziy

How to avoid interaction with coworkers in 4 steps?
1. Take a group selfie
2. Crop everyone out except you
3. Post it on FB
4. Tag all of em

@CornOnTheGoblin

[at my funeral]
puppeteer looks over at my wife: I’m so sorry, it was in his will
[i sit up in the casket]

@imence2

Some people have no respect. It’s obvious I’m on my phone trying to do something & this guys all “STEP OUT OF THE CAR WITH YOUR HANDS UP!”

@Bexdora

Is that a pineapple in your pocket, or are you just….Why do you have a pineapple in your pocket?

@myonlymizztake

These drawstring pajama pants practically fall down when I don’t tie them, so I guess another piece of birthday cake is in order.

@WilliamAder

I wonder if those Gmail password hackers know how much my dog hates having to learn a new name.

@9GAG

Always be yourself. Unless you can be Batman.. Then be Batman.

@robdelaney

It’s normal to have conflicting feelings on Columbus Day. True, he discovered the Greatest Nation on Earth, but he also supported Obamacare.