I’m rubber. You’re glue.
I don’t conduct low voltage electricity. You’re great for arts & crafts.
The Goonies went looking for pirate treasure and ended up finding the greatest treasure of all: pirate treasure.
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What’s this thing called? I’m going with “boingy boinger”
Me: isn’t there anything ELSE you want to take?
Burglar: lady I told you I’m married
When you have kids, “sleeping in” is just lying in bed trying to figure out what that crash was.
I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
If my wife takes any longer to get ready to go out, she’ll need to go and shave her legs again!!
If I say I love you, don’t read too much into it. I just told this cheesecake that I love it, too.
Shouldn’t Captain Crunch be Colonel Crunch by now? Apparently cereal mascot is a dead end job.
In a dog eat dog world, the chocolate lab is the most delicious, yet poisonous of all breeds.
Italian names sound delicious. Even Mussolini, sounds like a fried cheese that ends up oppressing your digestive process. #Italians