Apple CEO announces he’s gay. Samsung CEO announces he’s more gay and water resistant.
The irony of the gay pride flag is that it clashes with everything.
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Holmes: “I say, old bean, is that mud on your boots?” Watson: “No, shit, Sherlock”
I dig, you dig, we dig, he digs, she digs, they dig.
It’s not a beautiful poem, but it’s very deep.
[Trapped on a Island]
*Message in a bottle*
“Please send help!”
*Gets message back, months later*
“Linda invited you to play Candy Crush”
MySpace just bought a pack of Ramen noodles.
Guys, when she complains about something you didn’t do, tell her about the things you did do. That will make everything ok!
First thing on my bucket list is to jump off a cliff and the rest are just tricks I’ll do in the air.
greys anatomy is so unrealistic. there is no way you can have sex in a place that smells like a hospital
Ian: “I baked you a pie to say sorry for backing over your cat in my car.”
Tim: “You did what?!”
Ian: “Baked you a pie.”