The most unrealistic thing about The Walking Dead is that a couple who had a kid after 2000 would’ve named it Carl.

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*walks up to cashier with paper towels*

Are these the largest tampons you have?


Her: I was robbed! They took EVERYTHING except some wire coat hangers and my Justin Bieber CD.

Me: I wonder why they left the hangers?


put my earbuds in so i wouldn’t have to talk with the man next to me on the plane and he asked if he could “borrow one so we could listen together”


What Abba never mentioned is that Dancing Queen is really a figurehead position. All the real power is in the hands of Dancing Parliament.


On a scale of 1 to girl who just got back from a semester abroad in Europe, how annoying are you?


Women’s magazines:

Page 5: accept yourself for who you are

Page 8: how to lose 10lbs in 1 week

Page 12: best cake recipe


5: I need you to give me some money.

Me: Why?

5: Let me worry about that.


Her: If I get fat will you break up with me?
Me: No but you’re now just two more inane questions away from being buried in the garden.


the beatles really said “i am the walrus, i am the eggman” and the world was like “ok”


1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
– My stages of getting ready for work