@Tbone7219

The neighborhood is having a meeting tonight about the creepy guy & I’m the only one not invited. Weird.

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@Kyle_Lippert

A young Bruce Wayne falls into a cave full of pugs. He later becomes Pugman and keeps the streets of Gotham clean and downright adorable.

@Arbitral

“Said no one ever.” -Said everyone on Twitter.

@Elizasoul80

Damn boy, are you a wool sweater because you’re irritating the shit out of me.

@SavageDabs69

Its wrong that priests have to live a life of forced celibacy . They should get married and let celibacy come upon them the usual way.

@jifrulz

Call me old fashioned but I still drink to get drunk.

@savagehippy

I’m raising my child to believe there were only 3 ‘Star Wars’ movies.

@Consent2Treat

I could tell my parents truly loved me as a child. My bath toys were a toaster, radio and a blow dyer.

@DaddyJew

There are 2 kinds of people in this world:

1. People who aren’t good with numbers

@ieatanddrink

My daughter called me “lame.” Let’s see how “lame” she thinks I am when I pick her and her friends up from the movies in a BOAT