I’m trying to explain to my mother how to get pictures off her phone, while we’re on the phone, and everything is awful.
The older I get, the more my feet hurt. I guess it’s true… time wounds all heels.
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Don’t bother using those white packets of seasoning inside new shoes, they taste terrible.
Good cop: I get it. You wanted an easy way out.
Laptop: Please update Adobe.
For 10 years I believed my best friend was a mute, but it turns out that someone has just drawn a boy in the corner of my glasses.
It took me 9 self inflicted ER visits, but that nurse finally realized it was love at first sight.
Don’t call me a party animal then get upset that I pooped on your carpet.
Failed my Politics exam. “Describe the role that India plays in the modern world”.
Apparently “Tech Support” is not the correct answer.
Me: Who drew the picture?
8: I can’t remember her name.
Me: You memorize 200 Pokémon but you don’t remember the kids names in class?
Me: collaborate and listen
Me: you forget about me
Me: teacher, leave them kids alone
Jesus: He who is without sin may cast the first stone
*guy with no legs throws rock*
“You said ‘without shins,’ right?”