@NYC_Blonde

The only difference between you and Harry Potter is that his magic wand actually works OOOOHHH BURRRRN

You Might Also Like

@Swishergirl24

I know they took some creative liberties with ‘Noah’ but I really wasn’t expecting that Prius.

@kimtopher22

There should be a dimmer on refrigerator lights so you’re not hit with full sunlight blast when you’re cruising for food at 3 a.m.

@OhNoSheTwitnt

I bet Lance Armstrong is smugly saying “at least I didn’t kill anybody” to like every person he sees today.

@heidi420x

if i could choose one super power right now it would be the ability to delete my number from other people’s phones.

@SharpeBytes

It’s so cute how you think wearing that cross around your neck exempts you from being a reasonable human being

@MoistPork

Life can change in an instant. Hug the people you love, and appreciate what you have, before it’s gone.

@Brianhopecomedy

Giving my wife a bikini wax for the first time. Should I wake her up or just let it be a surprise?

@mydmac

According to the law it’s not appropriate to put a bounty on my boss. I actually thought it showed great initiative and leadership.