The only entities which will survive a nuclear holocaust will be the cockroaches and a book packed by Flipkart.
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A bird laments over the corpse of its fallen comrade. “Tern down. For what?”
Daughter: Alexa play Let it Go.
Me: when I was your age I had to call the radio station, wait on hold for 30 mins to request a song, then sit by my boom box for an hour with a blank cassette tape for my song to play so I could record it.
Daughter: I don’t know what that means.
Peanut Butter CEO: it’s taking too long to mix it, leave it lumpy
Me: umm
CEO: call it crunchy
Me: oh ok then we charge less
CEO: hahaha no
you can tell the new mad max movie takes place in a lawless post apocalyptic hellscape because not one person used their blinker
If you need a laugh.. 😅
[a Swarm of Bees requests to be your friend] um ok
[a Swarm of Bees has invited you to event “Come Outside”] what tha
I am not on a plant based diet but my lungs are
hey boy 😉 is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see m- oh, it is a gu- yes i will open the cash register
If the marriage counselor asks how long since you’ve had sex, she means with your spouse. Learn from my mistakes.
me, one hour into the “no solid food for three weeks” thinkin about pizza
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