@Shariv67

The only French I know are words for food items and the chorus of Lady Marmelade. Turns out that’s all you really need.

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@noog

If you wanna be classy, just use the word “whilst.”

Example: I know I just met you, but can you cum on my face whilst I pinch my nipples?

@WilliamAder

Yesterday my boss asked why I was tardy and I said, “I don’t think you’re supposed call people that any more.”

@heidi420x

Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated…go figure.

@Lisa_Laughs_

They’re not all brilliant, but they’re all mine. Meaning my tweets, and maybe my kids, whatever.

@i_Lean

My boyfriend calls me “babe” because “pig in the city” is such a mouthful to say.

@VerbsRProudest

Sorry. Can’t. I live in a small town. You know what that’s like. *vague gesture* Super busy avoiding all men from a Big City who might have recently inherited a tree farm & are liable to stay here after being charmed into rediscovering the true meaning of Christmas.

@Robinbuble

I have a mice problem so I lay out tiny red and blue bandanas in hopes they start a west coast/east coast thing and take care of each other.

@KrazykurtKurt

I’m having one of those days where nothing seems to be going write.

@Lola_Areola

Lay with me until everything crumbles and nothing but creeping ivy shields us from the incessant chatter of wandering cadavers. Bring snacks

@Fred_Delicious

Who cares about the new GTA when you can sit down and enjoy the new testament