The only French I know are words for food items and the chorus of Lady Marmelade. Turns out that’s all you really need.
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Is a fake boyfriend a placebeau?
I call my horse mayo
bc mayo neighs
If it ain’t broke, my children haven’t touched it yet.
My dentist asked me if I had a problem with my gums bleeding. You’d have to be really laid back to not have a problem with that.
Me: I don’t want to hear it, I want to feel it!
Also me: Not like that!
my little sister is staying home for her first semester of college so i’m gonna puke in her shower and set off the fire alarm at 3am so she can get the true freshman year dorm experience
going to the bottom of the ocean anyone want anything
I would like to officially apologize to my toddler for cutting her left pancake before I cut her right pancake, I don’t know what I was thinking
Mermaids are a lot less sexy when their top half’s the fish part.
For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair