the only moral choice in d&d is to play a druid and wildshape into a giant goat every day, travelling the towns with your rich goat milk like a medieval ice cream truck
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*drops pizza slice on the floor
Hey can I get another slice?
*eats slice that fell on the floor then eats new slice
Perfect.
Before I get out of an elevator, I hug every single person in there with me and whisper in their ear “You’ve taught me so much.”
“OK…that Trust Exercise didn’t go exactly according to plan. Once we dispose of the bodies let’s keep quiet about this…AS A TEAM!”
Adulthood is almost as fun as a piñata full of wasps
him: 911, what’s your emergency
me: a home invasion
him: can have a unit there in 10 minutes
me: they’re armed
him: 5 minutes
me: they switched my toilet paper from over to under
swat team: [already crashing thru the windows]
“Are you insane? Did you escape from a mental institution?” he flirted.
-Stop sending me scary scenes from destruction films! What’s wrong with you?
-That was just me cooking us lasagna
-Oh..see you at 9!
-You bet you will
This is a really bad idea. When do we start?
I always thought by this stage of adulthood I’d have my shit together but I just asked google how long you can survive without vegetables so apparently not