The people in this spin class are looking at me like they’ve never seen a girl with a helmet before.

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I don’t get upset when autocorrect screws me because it’s the most action I’ve seen in years.


Calm down white moms on dish detergent commercials, no wife is EVER that excited about dishes. Ever.


she like a man in uniform so the mcdonalds outfit here 2 stay


“Stressed” backwards is “desserts” so chill and have that cupcake.


I fell asleep listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers and woke up illiterate.


Twitter is perfect for extroverted introverts. I want to be social & have lots of friends but I don’t want to leave my house. Or wear pants.


“I’m calling you because you’re easy.”
“You’re not even very good.”
“You’re just the best I can do this late.”

Dominos: “Your order, Sir?”