
You can even hide a dead body in Terms & Conditions, No one will ever know.
You can even hide a dead body in Terms & Conditions, No one will ever know.
NEWS ANCHOR: Here’s Gary with day 1 of his outdoor summer weather report.
GARY: [frying an egg on the sidewalk]
I quit. Back to you, John.
I use the phrase “when I win the lottery” a lot for someone who never buys any lottery tickets.
I just realized the straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress, and not for what I’ve been using them for all this time.
I hate when idiots are like “Just punch a shark in the nose and he’ll leave.” Yea, just punch a submerged 2 ton killing machine in the nose.
An app that detects itself running on other people’s phones, then both devices play Random Encounter music. What happens next is up to you.
*pulls up pants*
Oh, you said ANNUAL review. Well, this is embarrassing. But just for reference, how’d I do?
Procedure for being unthanked for door holding:
1. Keep eyes fixed on culprit
2. Say you’re welcome
3. Shake head
4. Mutter “unbelievable”
You’ve reached voicemail of [Jim], leave a message.
“Hi it’s the library. The book ‘How to Steal Library Books’ is now 1 week over…UH OH”
*gets a new lease on life*
*misses first payment*