The sacred texts.

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ME: we need to talk

BOYFRIEND: I agree. I was thinking—

ME: the fact that Rudolph’s nose was shiny says nothing about its actual luminosity & if it DID glow, red is the least bright light that human eyes see which is why it’s used in observatories. It wouldn’t help Santa at all


If you find a stylist who can cut hair without talking, never let them go


i have never felt this meme more than after listening to Threedom… good job brahs.


I love that the generation after millennials is called Generation Z like we all kinda know this whole thing is wrapping up soon


My child: Mom, there’s a monster under my bed.

Me: “That’s impossible, they’re all running for president right now.”


I think a better question is- Where’s Waldo’s parents?? That dude is constantly getting lost in large crowds…


Damn boy, are you a wool sweater because you’re irritating the shit out of me.