Flight attendant: Is there a doctor onboard?
Mom: *nudging me* that should’ve been you
Me: Not now Mom
Mom: Not asking for an artist to help, are they?
Everyone on the plane: Wait, you’re an artist?
Everyone on the plane, including dying guy: Can you draw me?
The Spy Who Loved Me But Wasn’t, Like, IN Love With Me #RejectedBondTitles
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Just saw the new Avengers & the audience went NUTS when Shrek showed up & saved the day.
When you’ve simply given up.
Good morning to everyone, especially those who don’t need to turn every tweet into a sexual innuendo, I know it’s hard, very hard.
Just once, I want someone to look at me and say, “That’s her. She’s the one”
And not follow it with “who ate cake out of the garbage”
Do Russia and Uganda realize if they put all their gay people in jail then jail will become the nicest part of their country?
work smarter, not harder