@Schindizzle

The Supreme Court is really just a regular court with tomatoes and sour cream.

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@Ar_mi21

If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.

@longwall26

People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world.

@impaulmccoy

“Those aren’t the variants you’re looking for” –

Obicron Kenobi

@StyloDad

[Snow White accepts poisoned IPhone]

Android user: See?

@meantomyself

I was dating this guy who took me home to his parents’ house for the weekend and his mom was learning taxidermy and I slept in a room with all her practice chickens

@Cpin42

Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren’t in the database.

@BruceForce

t i t t i t t i t t i t t i t t i t t i t t i t t i t t i t t i t t i t

~ just dotting some i’s and crossing some t’s.