@DionneMcNutt

There’s 3 ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone or forbid your kids to do it.

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@brynnester

Me: Tie me up? That’s kinky

My Kidnapper: You’ve made this awkward now

@Tbone7219

I wrote a check today at the grocery store and then I left and got on my horse and buggy and slowly drove away.

@AbbyHasIssues

If I won the lottery, I wouldn’t go nuts. Probably buy some printer ink, and with what was left over, maybe an avocado.

@John_M15

Saw an article on Facebook that a local bank was robbed. It had one like. They should probably look at that person as the robbery suspect.

@IamEnidColeslaw

cats are the best because you can pet one while you’re talking to someone and look totally evil

@spark_asis

my therapist gave me her cell phone number.

and I’m supposed to be the crazy one.

@TheDarkSideCEO

Optimistic Thought of the Day: You are always 1/3 of the way towards having a threesome.