There’s a fine line between myth and reality and booze blurs it nicely.

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Someone tweeted today that they were “29-ish” and I didn’t know you could “ish” 15 years.


After watching Honey Boo Boo, I realize America has much bigger problems than the national debt.


Reading about how much Daniel Craig hates Bond is like The Pope Visiting Kim Davis all over again.


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Got fired by the DMV for giving Stuart Little his driver’s license


Can’t leave this facebook group because someone has raccoons living under their bathtub and now I’m invested in how it plays out


I just heated up a delicious chocolate brownie and put some ice cream on top of it & sat on the couch to enjoy it.

Seconds later, Catherine asked Samuel if he’d like a bite on MY brownie.

I faked a smile and gave him a bite.

Soon after, she asked him AGAIN.

I have no wife.


They must have had a really good laugh when doctors realized that thermometers could be taken orally too.