There’s an old sheet of paper in the Batcave with “Carrier pigeons” “Carrier bats (??)” “Morse code” crossed out, and “Searchlight” circled.

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If Natalie Portman dated Jacques Cousteau they would win celebrity couple nicknaming forever with “Portmanteau.”


Humans have 46 chromosomes, peas 6 and crayfish 200. You’re clearly not that complicated.


Every day, I win arguments from 10 years ago in the shower.


”Hey, you like water? yes? well I can turn it into wine.” -Jesus flirting in a bar


Me: What’s your favorite color?
Him: That depends. What is the color of your eyes?
Me: Awww. You are so sweet. Green.
Him: I love blue.


It’s not sexual harassment unless I don’t get the raise I was promised.


Good for you, the 3 people trying to keep MySpace alive. Good. For. You.


I’ve tried playing Jenga with children. But it’s so much easier using the little wooden blocks.