@BMcCarthy32

There’s no way I’m the only person who thinks Kristen Stewart is doing the world’s best Garfield impression.

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@TheCiscoKidder

It’s hard to look like a badass when you’re slurping on a strawberry smoothie.

@Reverend_Scott

Don’t bother using those white packets of seasoning inside new shoes, they taste terrible.

@OmniscientOf

What’s the worst that could happen? Tried my lady’s body lotion on my face and my face turned into a body, kept doing that hoping to bring back my face and that’s how I ended up 37 feet tall

@MelvinofYork

The guy said “Violence is never the answer” and I said “What if the question is ‘What is never the answer?’” and he punched me in the face.

@broken_rhi

Bi women make the best comedians because we can never keep a straight face.

Thanks for following

@karanlyons

“NEVER MIND, WE GOT ONE.”

What do we want?

“A TIME MACHINE.”

When do we want it?

@Gabrus

Just thinking about how hard lockdown was for people with secret families