@AlexvanBeek ‘Noah’ plot hole: THE FOOD CHAIN.
@BMcCarthy32 There’s no way I’m the only person who thinks Kristen Stewart is doing the world’s best Garfield impression.
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@AlexvanBeek 
@TheCiscoKidder It’s hard to look like a badass when you’re slurping on a strawberry smoothie.
@Reverend_Scott Don’t bother using those white packets of seasoning inside new shoes, they taste terrible.
@OmniscientOf What’s the worst that could happen? Tried my lady’s body lotion on my face and my face turned into a body, kept doing that hoping to bring back my face and that’s how I ended up 37 feet tall
@MelvinofYork The guy said “Violence is never the answer” and I said “What if the question is ‘What is never the answer?’” and he punched me in the face.
@broken_rhi Bi women make the best comedians because we can never keep a straight face.
Thanks for following
@karanlyons “NEVER MIND, WE GOT ONE.”
What do we want?
“A TIME MACHINE.”
When do we want it?
@FullofFrap This pepper has seen some shit
@JimmerThatisAll My tumbleweed is never where I left it.
@Gabrus Just thinking about how hard lockdown was for people with secret families