Celery was created by big dentist just to sell more dental floss.
“There’s someone out there for everyone”.
A really vague Receptionist.
You Might Also Like
I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.
Good cop “If you confess maybe we can cut you some sort of deal…”
Crab cop *walks sideways off the table*
First date tip: let a photo of a dog fall out of your wallet. When she asks “is that your puppy?” say “No. That’s my dad.” Then storm off.
I am one “Mom!” away from making the 6 o’clock news.
A female contestant is on Wheel of Fortune. “Give me a D” she says. “She wants the D” Pat Sajak says & then high fives the camera man.
Ok pregnant ladies. Today’s the day!
My brain knows that there’s a guy doing work on my roof today, but my nervous system keeps acting like the house is under attack.
My fella asked me to name all my sexual partners. I took a couple of minutes to list them and eventually got to him. Should of stopped there
Me: I look great today
Fluorescent lights: I can fix that.