The seven new planets cause havoc with your readings. There is nothing but chaos and pain and, for some reason, hot singles in your area.
They ordered two extra large pizzas at work.
I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
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If you go to an animal shelter and ask for a cat, they get really upset if you play them like a guitar and scream ROCK YOU LIKE A FURRICANE.
Police – OPEN UP OR WE ARE COMING IN
Me- SOUNDS GREAT CAN YOU GRAB MY CHARGER FROM MY CAR
Tobacco causes Cancer
Alcohol causes Dancer
Whenever people say “don’t judge me” I like to imagine them in the weird wigs British judges wear.
*In the elevator*
Guy: Good morning ladies. You two going down?
Me: No. We’re just friends
What doesn’t kill you leaves you feeling rejected and wondering why you weren’t good enough for death.
Dad owl: I’m dying so I need you to look after things. I’m going to give you-
Son owl: Don’t say it
Dad: Power of a tawny
Son: [turns head]