
If I was a magician I’d ask someone in the audience for a $20 bill and then just run away. You could prob make like $40 doing that.
They’re not called “butt hole mirrors.” They’re called “hand mirrors,” according to this clerk at Walgreens.
If I was a magician I’d ask someone in the audience for a $20 bill and then just run away. You could prob make like $40 doing that.
Good morning to everyone, especially those who don’t need to turn every tweet into a sexual innuendo, I know it’s hard, very hard.
I could see how 2 deaf guys arguing would appear to be gang related.
when i was born i was no bigger than a hotdog, and no better. now i am the size of many hotdogs, and just as good
My car’s GPS has learned to say “Your other left.”
Just showed my 4 yo niece that I can still do a cartwheel and now she is showing me where the ice packs are.
The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
It was a smart phone until I downloaded Twitter
I’m not embarrassed.
I order my gingerbread latte LIKE A GOD DAMN MAN.
(I send my wife into Starbucks while I sit shamefully in the car.)
My girlfriend and I started dating after her car ran into mine.
We met by accident