Jehovah’s witnesses don’t celebrate Halloween, I’m guessing it’s because they don’t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
Think before you yell at your kids. They are the ones who might have to bring you toilet paper in 20 minutes
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if you are what you eat, my dog is my favourite pair of shoes
Sent this guy 27 texts in the last hour and haven’t heard back so I guess I should probably drive over to his house and make sure he’s okay.
I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is this tweet is almost over. The bad news is you read the whole thing.
Why do we “shush” our dogs when they bark at the postman when 98% of our mail is bills?
Dogs get it.
Next time, join in.
Fear and ignorance would gay-marry each other if they weren’t both opposed to it.
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Saw a man at the beach screaming, “SAVE ME..I’m drowning”.
I instantly uploaded
his pic, captioned “1 like = 100 prayers” on facebook..!!
I’ve spent three hours investigating this chicken and I still can’t find his nuggets.
Next time you’re on a date and someone asks “Is that your boyfriend or your brother?” smile really creepy and whisper “Both”.