This day in history. 1967. Ed Sullivan made the Rolling Stones change the lyric “Let’s spend the night together” to the more family friendly “Let’s go back to my place boink boink boinkity-boink.”
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As someone who got the J&J shot last week, so far my only side effect has been the ability to control geese with my mind
“if anyone has reason why this man and this woman should not be wed speak now or forever hold your peace”
*voice in back*
does he even lift?
Twitter, 2016 (HT @iShami_ )
[in the park]
Me: Aww I see you have a puppy too…
Her: uh huh, I guess…
Me: [walks off dragging a beer can on a string]
I wish catalog models could do one pose with bad posture, looking awkward and self-conscious, so I’d know how the outfit would look on me
why tf did we learn state capitals?? when has anyone ever “topeka is the capital of kansas”’d their way out of a real problem
I bet ducks would love bananas if they knew about bananas.
Magician: For my next trick—
Me: BRING BACK THE BUNNY, YOU MONSTER
Whoever designated mini cupcakes as “two-bite” has greatly underestimated my #cupcake eating abilities.
According to my fitness app, I ate a 6 mile fruit roll-up.