This guy in my office is a little paranoid and it’s making it that much harder to poison him.

You Might Also Like


“WAIT!” I screamed at my daughter as she typed Y-O-U on my computer but miraculously the autocomplete added “TUBE” so yeah, God exists.


Am I the only one that still asks barking dogs if there’s someone stuck at the bottom of a well?


I’m surprised Cinderella didn’t become a psycho killer because I’ve seen some bitches go batshit crazy when they’ve lost a shoe.


Maybe the raccoons threw away something very important. Did you ever think about that you big jerk.


If I wasn’t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn’t have made it taste so good with orange juice.


“If you started at 16 and work until you’re 23.
That would give you 10 years of experience.”
Back to school for you My friend!


How depressed are you on a scale from 1 to “regularly visits song lyrics websites”?


Just watched a guy in a shirt that read “Jedi I am” trip on a curb and fall.

Jedi you are not sir


Seriously, ladies. If you just stop sleeping with douchebags eventually their species will go extinct. Look at the big picture here.