It’s called St. Valentine’s Day because St. Blowjob for Jewelry Day just didn’t have the same ring to it.
“This is a terrible wine tasting event. ” – me at church.
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Wow, so it’s true… Toddlers in Tiaras is the prequel to 16 and Pregnant which is the Prequel to Intervention
Found the sock gone missing 7 weeks ago in today’s clean laundry.
Sometimes they come back, people. Keep the faith.
If I ever tell you to “Be the ball,” I’m not coaching you…I’m preparing you for my nine iron.
I jump out of bushes to give surprise breast exams. I save lives.
The police are on the lookout for me. Probably to give me an award.
MOM ITS NOT A DOLLHOUSE IM PRETENDING TO BE A GIANTE THATS TERRORIZING A FAMILY GOSH *waits for mom to leave* and im makig them have tea
Does France have Mcdonald’s? Because it wouldn’t be fair if we were the only ones dying.
Why do we “shush” our dogs when they bark at the postman when 98% of our mail is bills?
Dogs get it.
Next time, join in.
“Are you talking back to me?” “Mom, that’s how a conversation works.”
You were the street magician who pointed at me and asked me to shout out the name of a card
I was the guy in the red shirt who panicked and shouted out “PIKACHU” whilst you rolled your eyes