This is the best one I’ve seen
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It’s confusing how my kid is failing drama when he puts on award winning performances anytime he’s asked to do anything
PICASSO: She had one eye on her forehead, and her nose was on the side of her face
COP: Maybe someone else should describe the suspect
When did razors get so expensive?
Three more payments and I’ll be able to shave
I’ve known my drug dealer since I was this high.
5 missed calls from my mom. Frantically called her back, expecting tragedy; nope, wallets are on sale at Kohl’s.
127 HOURS but me trying to get my hand out of the Pringles can
If it turns out there is a Heaven and Hell, I’m still screwed. I owe people in both places a lot of money.
anyone: here let me pay you for that thing you did for me
me: NO ABSOLUTELY NOT I FORBID IT. HONESTLY IT WAS MY PLEASURE. SO HAPPY TO HELP
also me: why don’t I ever have any money :,(((
my father died in a conga line and so shall i