@Crunch11b
@Chhapiness 6YO said she’ll never be able to appreciate winter, cause snow on the bushes reminds her of cauliflower
You Might Also Like
@Chhapiness 
@darinlovesbacon I’m not one to give parenting advice, but kids are a lot less likely to fight you on eating dinner if you don’t give them lunch or breakfast
@thejessbess Shout out to sidewalks.
Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
@blueeyesgreene My long hair falls out constantly so I leave it everywhere for birds to make nests, your honor. That’s why my DNA proves I’m thoughtful, generous, and especially not guilty of this crime.
@robyn_vo I’m re-enacting Titanic today, I’m at the part where Rose is naked on the couch eating Corn Flakes and watching Storage Wars.
@Smooheed Me: gets up, wakes kids, empties dishwasher, makes lunches, helps make kid beds, does kids’ hair, makes breakfast for everyone, showers, makes coffee, does laundry
Hubs:
@CruisinSoozan Free cake in the break room and these people turn into cheetahs on a gazelle.
I think Pam from Accounting died.
She wasn’t strong enough.
@rickygervais If a swan broke my arm I’d keep it quiet. Embarrassing. “Help, I’m being beaten up by a big white lanky floating chicken.” Not cool.
@JulieSnark I bet Seal is terrified of shark week.
@ozzyunc My son kicked his soccer ball in to a rosebush & now I look like I got between Chester Cheetah & Tony the Tiger at a coke party.