This tweet was written by M. Night Shyamalan.

I bet you didn’t see that one coming.

You Might Also Like


ESPN just did a Top 5 Greatest Comebacks of All Time and there was some guy running with a ball but like literally no mention of Jesus


SOMEBODY: she had a boyfriend who looked like that girlfriend that you had in february of last year
ME: what the hell are you talking about


Coaxing one piece of costume jewelry at a time off my toddler as she sighs and weeps like a disgraced aristocrat pawning her jewels to save the family estate


Doctor: How long has this been bothering you?

Women: It started after work 2 days ago at 7pm.

Men: I think it started in the 90’s.


[job interview]
“So why do you want to be a jeweler?”

ME(thinking about using that eye thing to appraise chicken nuggets): I love rubies


Legally you’re obligated to say “I’ll be glad when all this construction is finished” any time you drive through construction.


“She loves me not…”
: Picks last petal :

Flower: “…NOT! LOL nerd”
: Whips out hidden petal shaped like middle finger :